The top ten historical figures who most frequently meet time travelers

| September 29, 2011

10. Napoleon Bonaparte 9. Joan of Arc 8. Marie Antoinette 7. Napoleon Dynamite 6. Billy the Kid 5. Cleopatra 4. King Arthur 3. Albert Einstein 2. Genghis Khan 1. Abraham Lincoln It’s also important to note that due to circumstances of time travel, most of these people have also met each other, as sometimes time […]

Time Traveling Hook-ups!

| September 28, 2011

Time traveling hookups are, in general, a terrible idea. You never know whose great-grandmother/father’s pants you’re sticking your hand into, and you might be really messing up someone’s bloodline by throwing that person off the course from who they’re supposed to be with. Which could be disastrous for you if that person happens to be […]

Memoirs of a Time-Traveling Transvestite Geisha

| September 14, 2011

Despite the rampant ways that time travelers have suffered excruciating and diverse deaths, most spend their entire lives without ever once dying, or, at the very least, without dying more than once, all thanks to planning ahead. Appropriately organizing for time travel can make the whole ordeal a more pleasurable and worry-free experience. A man […]

Kids- Time Travel and Magic Don’t Mix!

| September 13, 2011

If a magic spell is what you used to travel through time, for heaven’s sake say the spell correctly. Many a time traveler has unwittingly unleashed an army of darkness upon the land, just because they were too lazy to remember exactly how the spell goes. Also, it never hurts to drink plenty of water […]

Going backwards while going forwards!

| August 31, 2011

More commonly known as Earl Gomgom’s Syndrome, Chronus Reversus is an affliction wherein the afflicted individual steadily progresses backwards through time rather than forwards. If you catch a bit of Chronus Reversus you will probably find yourself inconvenienced in many different ways. Walking through the rain becomes a bit odd as your top stays dry […]

Tea-Bagging: The Most Ancient Respect a Man Can Give

| August 30, 2011

The act today known as ‘teabagging’ was, in ancient times, a method of showing admiration to a fallen enemy. Baring one’s testicles in battle was considered akin to baring one’s soul, and was the truest form of respect a warrior could give. Nowadays it’s the top way for 14 year olds to express video game […]

Child Pickpockets from the Future!

| August 29, 2011

Child pickpockets are not cute, they’re a bloody menace. For much of the 23rd century they cast a dark cloud of scourge across Great Britain. The entire region was brought to a near standstill as no one could purchase anything, prove who they were, get in their homes or drive their cars because of the […]

Game Shows That Are Totally Scary In The Future

| August 26, 2011

4 vs. 1? I don’t like this guy’s odds. Elimidate 3rd Degree You Bet Your Life Duel Guts Survivor 1 Vs. 100 Who Wants to be a Millionaire (or, as it’s known in the future, Who Wants to be a Millionaire’s Pawn in a Sadistic Game of Life and Death?)

Famous historical people that you’d least want to hang out with because they’re stupid jerks

| August 25, 2011

-Martha Washington: Aside from being a well known schizophrenic, she’s also quite the kleptomaniac. If you invite her to a dinner party, don’t be surprised if the next day you see all of your silverware for sale at the local pawn shop. -Sigmund Freud: After he asks you about your mother for the thirtieth time, […]

The Adventures of Ben Franklin, History’s Crankiest Nudist!

| August 24, 2011

A time traveler by the name of Jerome Goldberg once visited colonial America and found his time machine to be completely without power. After approaching Benjamin Franklin, Jerome carefully explained his predicament to him. Jerome then told Franklin that they should hook up a kite to the back of his time machine so that lightning […]