Going backwards while going forwards!

| August 31, 2011

More commonly known as Earl Gomgom’s Syndrome, Chronus Reversus is an affliction wherein the afflicted individual steadily progresses backwards through time rather than forwards. If you catch a bit of Chronus Reversus you will probably find yourself inconvenienced in many different ways. Walking through the rain becomes a bit odd as your top stays dry […]

Tea-Bagging: The Most Ancient Respect a Man Can Give

| August 30, 2011

The act today known as ‘teabagging’ was, in ancient times, a method of showing admiration to a fallen enemy. Baring one’s testicles in battle was considered akin to baring one’s soul, and was the truest form of respect a warrior could give. Nowadays it’s the top way for 14 year olds to express video game […]

Child Pickpockets from the Future!

| August 29, 2011

Child pickpockets are not cute, they’re a bloody menace. For much of the 23rd century they cast a dark cloud of scourge across Great Britain. The entire region was brought to a near standstill as no one could purchase anything, prove who they were, get in their homes or drive their cars because of the […]

Game Shows That Are Totally Scary In The Future

| August 26, 2011

4 vs. 1? I don’t like this guy’s odds. Elimidate 3rd Degree You Bet Your Life Duel Guts Survivor 1 Vs. 100 Who Wants to be a Millionaire (or, as it’s known in the future, Who Wants to be a Millionaire’s Pawn in a Sadistic Game of Life and Death?)

Famous historical people that you’d least want to hang out with because they’re stupid jerks

| August 25, 2011

-Martha Washington: Aside from being a well known schizophrenic, she’s also quite the kleptomaniac. If you invite her to a dinner party, don’t be surprised if the next day you see all of your silverware for sale at the local pawn shop. -Sigmund Freud: After he asks you about your mother for the thirtieth time, […]

The Adventures of Ben Franklin, History’s Crankiest Nudist!

| August 24, 2011

A time traveler by the name of Jerome Goldberg once visited colonial America and found his time machine to be completely without power. After approaching Benjamin Franklin, Jerome carefully explained his predicament to him. Jerome then told Franklin that they should hook up a kite to the back of his time machine so that lightning […]

Terrifying movie sequels that await us in the future

| August 23, 2011

Ernest Borgnine’s Colon- A Smell-o-Vision Adventure! (narrated by Morgan Freeman) Lee Harvey Oswald: The Adventure Begins Pinhead vs. Pumpkinhead vs. Howdy Doody Basic Instinct: Interrogation Techniques. Even though Sharon Stone’s interrogation scene at age 73 is even racier than the famous scene in the original film, that’s not what disturbs people most about this movie. […]

Call Me Dr. LoveBot

| August 22, 2011

In the future, robots are everywhere, and they’re here to help. They come in a variety of forms, enabling them to fit any function that the consumer has need of. Some have abilities suited for simple household chores, others specialize in assisting in complex construction needs. Should your particular needs linger on the more… erotic […]

The 1260th amendment

| August 19, 2011

  Due to a peculiar mis-wording in the 126th amendment, at first it was only legal for dogs to time travel. This law was immediately repealed after the first dog to be sent through time, Sir Scruffles, appeared in London, England in 1892, with an army of cybernetically enhanced dogs from a future where dogs […]

Y’all varmints just got served!

| August 18, 2011

It’s a well known fact that, in the old west, groups of ill-mannered ne’er-do-well cowboys would roam the vast plains, searching for any town with inhabitants foolish enough to square off against them in a dance contest. These ruffians were armed with naught but the gleam in their eyes and the sweet ass dance moves […]