Alex’s Little Known Exploits
By Alex Langley - November 23, 2008
Alex’s Little Known Exploits
Although you dear readers often get to hear our thoughts here at Rocket Llama, you don’t often get to hear about us, the Rocket Llama Ground Crew. I have compiled a list of facts about myself for you loyal folks to peruse and enjoy.
- Super Mario Bros. 3 is based loosely on my real-life exploits.
- My expertise at ringing bells is known throughout the land.
- I was one of the few people to witness JFK assassinate Abraham Lincoln. I took pictures of it on my cell phone, if anyone is interested.
-My saliva cures any disease.
- I was awarded “Best Chest Hair” in a Tom Selleck look-alike contest five years running.
- A part of me likes to think that I have X-ray vision. The other part of me knows better, but still lets the first part have its dream.
- I am immune to the effects of Chocolate Chips.
- I have a four foot vertical leap.
- I can split a tree in twain using only my bare hands. Just make sure it’s a small tree, o.k.?
- My D.N.A. is mixed with that of a frog, so I can switch genders, if the need arises.
- I have candy instead of a few of my teef.
- Revolver Ocelot is my first cousin.
- I time travel a tiny bit when I close my eyes.
- I can eat poo indefinitely and be unharmed.
- I know who REALLY shot JR.
- I am DB Cooper. And I got lots of moneys.
- I was on the first season of Survivor: Borneo.
- I don’t waste ANYTHING when I taxiderm.
- I make a mean rat/pigeon surprise casserole.
- I alphabetized all the Pokemon. I had to catch ‘em all.
- I was the fifth Ghostbuster. I’m in the special features on the DVD.
These are just a few of my shining qualities, lurking underneath my raging physique and unquestionably astounding intellect, as well as my astonishing sense of humility. Dig deep, dear reader. What qualities make you shine like a penny on the rail road tracks?
Got somethin’ to say? Sling it my way.
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