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Hellboy II: The Golden Army

 

            I HAVE BEEN TRICKED! IF YOU’RE NOT CAREFUL YOU WILL BE TRICKED TOO. Here I was thinking Hellboy II was an action movie, and probably a pretty good one at that, but what I got instead was a movie filled with plot and a foofy schmoofy love story. Blaah, Gagg. If I wanted a foofy schmoofy love story, I’d watch Moulin Rouge. Save it for the Lifetime channel people. I know I know, I just offended you because you liked Hellboy II. Well, too friggin’ bad. And now for a little segment I like to call 16 No’s.

            NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

16 NO’S. What’s up with all the brother/sister incest insinuations? EWWW. The Prince totally copped a feel on the Princess. Can’t we have a movie, for once, where the freaks are appreciated for saving the world and not ridiculed? I mean are we, the normal boring people with no special powers, that stupid? Or maybe THAT is our special power. Finally, who wants to sit through a 2 hour movie full of plot? Stick to the action.

            Now to completely blow your mind: I did like the movie alright. It incorporated some humor into the movie, which is always a plus. It wasn’t pants splitting humor, but it was amusing none the less. Hellboy II also had really good character development along with a somewhat entertaining story. It just didn’t do it for me in the action department. The action scenes where few and far between, and when there were action scenes, they seemed a bit too short and it seemed a bit to easy for Big Red to overcome his foes. What I do like about this movie is Hellboy’s character. The dude gets right to the point. If someone isn’t giving up the information or cooperation like Hellboy wants them too, then he just freakin’ punches them in the face, which usually sends them to the next city. Now that’s how you deal with the bad guys.

Time until the real action starts:  ~ 21 minutes

Big bad baddies: The Prince Nuada and the Golden Army

Best Line: Prince Nuada says that he is going to kill all the good guys and Hellboy says, “Then why don’t you start with me, your royal ass-ness”

Best Kill: Sometimes in a scene, you just know exactly which guy is going to get his balls handed to him. In this scene you’ve got Elizabeth, Abraham, and Hellboy (all the main characters) in a room investigating stuff, and then you have some unknown guy working with them. Hmmm, I wonder why he’s in the scene. Well, he dies. Horribly. These little critters called the Tooth Fairies come swarming out of the wall and start burrowing into his skin and his face. They call them the Tooth Fairies because they go for the teeth first. And boy did they! Hundreds of them swarmed this guy, and he was a skeleton in no time. I would have to say that is the first time I have seen that happen.

Best Explosion: There wasn’t any really good explosion; however, there was one. Elizabeth (Selma Blair) is being swarmed by these Tooth Fairies and looses control of her powers. She explodes with heat and fire, knocking Hellboy out the window and killing all the Tooth Fairies.

Best Accidental Suicide: This big boy monster that you think is going to be an enemy throughout the whole movie actually kills himself. He is fighting with Hellboy and he has a hand that detaches from his body but is connected by a chain. He shoots it out at Hellboy, Hellboy moves out of the way and the hand gets caught in this grinder thingy. He gets sucked in and gets crushed into a pancake. He’s not that brightest crayon in the coloring box now is he?

Rating: 2 ½ Big Babies, out of 5

          


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Action Flick Chick content © 2009 K. Hill. Images © 2008-2009 Rocket Llama World Headquarters, LLC. All rights reserved. 

The Ongoing Adventures of Rocket Llama[1] is a webcomic starring "a high-flying llama, a sword-swinging cat, and a rocket as loyal as a cowboy hero's horse."[2] Created by Alex Langley while he was a student at Henderson State University, the comic first appeared in a comic book titled The Workday Comic. For the Workday comics anthology, a spin-off of Scott McCloud's 24-Hour Comics, comics creators each wrote and drew their own eight-page stories in eight hours in April, 2007, on Friday the 13th[3], which turned into an ongoing publication.[4]  Co-presenting with comics author and scholar Danny Fingeroth (Dazzler, Spider-Man, Superman on the Couch), the creators described the webcomic's evolution as members of a Comics Arts Conference panel at 2008's Comic-Con International in San Diego, California.[5][6][7]  Contents [hide] 1 Debut  2 Webcomic  3 References  4 External links      [edit] Debut The full title of Rocket Llama's debut story in The Workday Comic #1 (spring, 2007) was "The Ongoing Adventures of Rocket Llama #112: 'Trouble in Paradise'".[8] The story introduced the taciturn hero Rocket Llama and his talkative sidekick, an anthropomorphic cat named Bartholomew Meowsenhausen, who find themselves stranded on an island after a battle with an enemy called Jetpack Dog. Spherical islanders capture them and then challenge them to combat. A villain named Böwser vön Überdog arrives with Jetpack Dog and, in a sudden Star Wars parody, summons a giant robot known as the Super Robot Dog Walker which blasts a volcano to bits. Before it can fire a second blast, Rocket Llama destroys it by getting it to swallow a pot of water and backfire. The story ends with Böwser tied up and the heroes using the giant robot dog head as a boat to get themselves home, with the promise of the next story to be titled, "Yuck! Yukon!"[9][10]  Whether despite the original story's childlike art or because of it, the Rocket Llama story proved to be the most popular in the 2007 anthology collection of the eight-hour comics.[11] After comic artist Stephen R. Bissette, an instructor at the Center for Cartoon Studies and comic book artist best known for his work on Swamp Thing with Alan Moore, read all of the stories in the first volume of The Workday Comic, he remarked, "That llama's gonna stick with me."[12]   [edit] Webcomic Nick Langley redrew the story with a less childlike drawing style in webcomic form for online publication[13] as the flagship title for the website rocketllama.com which grew into an affiliation of websites featuring webcomics, art, entertainment reviews, and scholarly studies of comics.[14] The online story featured a new cover[15] and omitted a one-page gag, a preview for an unrelated Stealth Potato comic, which had appeared as an intermission in the middle of the original story.[16] The original story also appeared online as the comic's "ashcan copy."[17]  The authors present the Rocket Llama stories metafictionally as the world's oldest comic book, established in 1916, which they allegedly rediscovered and are adapting into webcomics. "Deep underground, in an archaic vault we searched until we found the fabled tales. As both the current production team behind The Ongoing Adventures of Rocket Llama and appreciators of such groundbreaking literature, we have taken it upon ourselves to restore these classic issues to a glory more befitting a modern, digital age."[18]  Although every "issue" is presented with panels and screens in the correct order for each story, the issues are presented out of order as if readers were discovering old issues of a classic comic book in a seemingly haphazard order, however they come to find them. After the redrawn number 112's online publication came the serialized time travel story #136-137, "Time Flies When You're on the Run," appearing one page at a time throughout each week.[19][20] Special Rocket Llama Says bonus features appear only in "ashcan" form drawn by the original creator.[21]   [edit] References ^ Rocket Llama World Headquarters  ^ You are here.  ^ Waddles, Joshua. (2007, April 2). Comic book club puts in a full day's work. The Oracle vol. 99 (25), p. 3.  ^ Beard, Sarah. (2008, August 25). Comic Arts Club offers excitment. The Oracle, vol. 101 (1), p. 5.  ^ T. Langley & R. Duncan, panel moderators, with respondent Danny Fingeroth. (2008, July). "Capes and Tights, Caps and Gowns." Panel presented at the Comics Arts Conference, Comic-Con International. San Diego, California.  ^ Recent and Upcoming Research Presentations  ^ Pannell, E. (2008, July 27). Comic communication part of professors' classes. The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, T-1, T-4.  ^ Page 1.  ^ The Workday Comic #1. Spring, 2007.[1]  ^ The Workday Comic - online edition.  ^ Sorrell, M. (2008, April 14).Club produces second annual workday comic. The Oracle, vol. 100.  ^ Quoted in "The Workday Comic: Not Just One Third of a 24-Hour Comic." Comics Arts Conference, Comic-Con International. San Diego, California. July 27, 2008.  ^ The Ongoing Adventures of Rocket Llama #112: "Trouble in Paradise." Script: Alex Langley. Art: Nick Langley.  ^ You are here.  ^ #137-Cover.  ^ Sneak Peak at Stealth Potato #75.  ^ Rocket Llama Ashcan Copy.  ^ Who Is Rocket Llama?  ^ "Time Flies When You're on the Run, Part 1." Script: Alex Langley. Art: Nick Langley.  ^ "Time Flies When You're on the Run, Part 2." Script: Alex Langley. Art: Nick Langley.  ^ e.g., "Tanks a Lot." Rocket Llama Says #8. Script and art: Alex Langley.

 

Who is Rocket Llama? "The world's oldest webcomic - since 1916." Tongue-in-cheek tales of a high-flying llama, a sword-swinging cat, and a rocket as loyal as a cowboy hero's horse. With time traveling cavedogs, a persnickety penguin, and surprise parodies of Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, and more. Creators have presented their work at Internation Comic-Con Comicon International in San Diego, California, with Danny Fingeroth (The Amazing Spider-Man, Dazzler, Superman on the Couch, Disguised as Clark Kent), and WonderCon Wonder-Con in San Francisco, California, as part of the Comics Arts Conference a.k.a. Comic Arts Conference; and Wizard World Texas, the Wizard World University Texas academic meetings in Arlington, Texas, near Six Flags Over Texas, with Phil Hester (Green Arrow and Clerks with Kevin Smith), Jason Henderson (The Sword of Dracula, Dracula Wars #1), Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night with Steve Niles, Fell), Jacen Burrows (Crossed with Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis), Ethan Van Sciver (Green Lanter).
Keywords: Webcomic webcomics cartoon cartoons all-ages family entertainment comics comic books comic strips sequential art quirky humor funny furry fun anthropomorphic animals satire comedy science fiction fantasy historical history pseudohistorical pseudohistory.